The 2010 V8 Supercar launch season has officially kicked off as Bundaberg Red Racing unveiled its 2010 livery and new team drivers Fabian Coulthard and Andrew Thompson.
With the technical ennui of V8 Supercars, a change of paint scheme is considered pretty big news and the excitement of the assembled media was palpable as the covers came off the newly painted car.
Grown men gasped and women swooned as the car emerged from under the sheets.
“There’s a lot more black’ said one V8 Supercar hack desperately trying to recover from the surprise,
“No one expected that!” said another. “Call the editor! Hold the Front Page!” said yet another, despite the fact that he works in television.
As the shock of the new spread across inner Melbourne like a tsunami, medical staff were placed on high alert as Victorian Premier John Brumby called for calm.
“I’d like to think that in this day and age that we as a society have grown enough to be able to handle this sort of thing.” said Mr Brumby.
“I’m just so very proud that today’s launch has taken place here in Melbourne, the sporting and cultural capital of the world and way better than Sydney which just sucks puss big time.”
Bundaberg Red Racing lead driver Fabian Coulthard told the recovering media that he was confident that the challenge of the extra black would not pose a problem.
“There was black on my old car.” he said. ” Quite a lot of it, although certainly not teamed with red. I think that’s what’s going to take the most getting used to.” he said.
Coulthard however was concerned for new team mate Andrew Thompson, whose previous car contained almost no black at all.
“I have to say it was quite a shock when the team told me just how much black there would be”
said an emotional Thompson.
“And it’s not just black, it’s a deep, hard black, a black that draws you in, enveloping you in it’s intensity, it’s a void, a nothingness that peers deep into the depths of your soul and seeks out and exploits your deepest darkest fears.”
V8 Supercar boss and colourful Broadway impresario Tony Cochrane told the launch that the increasing amount of black was just another step in the continued growth of V8 Supercar racing around the World.
Speaking via satellite from his secret headquarters in Queensland’s Fortitude Valley, Mr Cochrane told the crowd that the new paint scheme would not be the last major shock in the 2010 launch season.
“I’m told Stone Brothers have been working on a deep metallic blue that will surprise a lot of people, and FPR have been working on interesting shade of grey that has already got plenty of attention in International Formula One circles.”
Mr Cochrane also claimed that Walkinshaw Racing had been hard at work developing a new intense shade of Vermillion in conjunction with NASA, but hinted that it may not be allowed.
“We don’t want to encourage a paint war that will add substantially to costs and could lead to a potential loss of life.” he said.
Mr Cochrane said that the launch of the 2010 liveries for all the teams had become a highly anticipated international event that would provoke deep discussion across the world.
“As you are all aware V8 Supercar Racing is huge in France, not just France but other parts of Europia as well.” he said.
“There is little doubt that in the bars and bistros of Paris, today’s launch will provoke much discussion and debate. As you know the French are very interested in aesthetics and this bold move to increased black is sure to be a major talking point.”
Bundaberg Rum have extended their partnership with Walkinshaw Racing which allowed the team to expand to a two car team and afford the extra cans of black.
The iconic Bundy Bear will now adorn the sides of both cars #24 and #10 which will be piloted by Coulthard and Thompson respectively.
Attendees at the launch were delighted when the bear himself made a surprise appearance.
Staggering into the room, the seven foot tall polar bear delighted the crowd by tripping over the pot plants, grabbing the breasts of a promotional model and simulating sex with a television boom mike before throwing himself through the window to attack a passing group of Indian Students.
“Now that’s showing Fine Form” said Mr Cochrane… and everybody laughed.